S is a huge Doodlebops fan. He will listen to the cd over and over again and can sing roughly 75% of the lyrics on his own without the cd. He'd rather stay home and watch the show on CBC than go somewhere fun like Science World. When he's playing with his cars he'll incorporate the Doodlebop characters into his play ("Rooney's driving this car." "This one is for Dee Dee."). At mealtime he will ask what the Doodlebops or supporting characters are eating. He breakdances like Moe.

I don't fully understand his fascination with the Doodlebops. I understand the catchy pop tunes (some of them are actually well crafted) and the life lessons of the shows. But have you seen them? They are basically clown-like characters that would have scared me as a child. It's funny that he adores them so much considering he is frightened by a lot of other things he sees on dvd's or children's programs.

Has it really been 6 months since my last post?! Wow. It's ridiculous. Time has flown by and so much has happened. Do I backtrack and blog about all the things that have happened or do I blog about the present?

S is now on the verge of turning 3. Over the past few months he has morphed from a toddler into a bona fide kid. He has definitely developed his own tastes and interests so I'll blog about these soon (I promise!).

Midnight Kitchen is up and running and is doing well. Number one lesson we've learned thus far is that there's lots of learning involved and sometimes it takes us a while to figure things out.

A while back I posted an article called Feeding Junior: Adventures in Whining and Dining on VanEats that chronicles feeding S just past the age of 2. We have noticed that although he likes most food we offer him, he definitely has his preferences: soup (especially my mum's), noodles, meat, salmon, fried eggs, toast with butter and honey, wakame, green veggies...but most of all mushrooms.

Today I dropped him off at my folks' while I came home to clean the house. He had a great time playing with Goong Goong (my dad) in the rec room but when he wanted something to eat, he headed upstairs to look for Poh Poh (my mum). Just before he headed up, mum fried some eggs for fried rice. S wound up mooching some egg for a quick snack. He then proceded to mooch some freshly stirfried green beans.

As he was finishing his snack, he said to my mum, "Poh Poh! Mushrooms!" There was not a mushroom in sight. He did, however, smell them. Mum had braised some dried shiitake for another dish she wasn't planning to serve. The nose knows. She gave in and gave him some mushrooms. If he was going to be that clever, he deserved it.

Up until yesterday, my folks have not taken care of S for any extended period of time. They've babysat at night while he's asleep but they had babysat him awake for 1 1/2 hours maximum. It's not that they aren't willing to help. My folks are older and they just hadn't felt comfortable with all the physical demands of taking care of a baby/toddler.

Yesterday was a breakthrough day. Midnight Kitchen was scheduled to be at the market and I was to manage the stall on my own meaning that Roland needed to help me move the freezer and other equipment early in the morning and help me pack up in the early afternoon. We needed childcare so my folks stepped up to bat and agreed to watch him for a while in the morning and then later in the afternoon.

Because my dad woke up with vertigo, my mom was on her own looking after S. I think she surprised herself--she was able to manage him without any problems and both she and S had a wonderful time! When I asked her if it was difficult or stressful, she said not at all! In fact, when I went to my folks' house to pick up S, he didn't want to leave.

So this morning as I lay awake in bed, a sudden wave of relief and new freedom washed over me. We now have an alternate daytime childcare provider besides S's daycare! I know it's not a big deal for most families, but for us it's taken a long time to get used to the idea that S might be ready and that there's someone that's available and reliable.

Wow, I'm feeling guilty for not posting anything for almost 2 months. It's been crazy busy leading up to our business launch and now ironing out all the kinks. Come to think of it, I haven't even mentioned our company here!

Gloria and I have launched Midnight Kitchen, a gourmet food company that is specializing in artisan cookie dough. We are currently selling our gourmet cookie dough and decadent ice cream sandwiches at various Vancouver Farmers Markets.

The past 2 months have been an incredible learning curve. I've been putting a lot of energy into the company: graphic design, packaging, dough and ice cream sandwich production, inventory, marketing, logistics, steps forward. It's like having a second child! Meanwhile I'm trying to juggle life with Roland and S and all the things that need to be done around the house. I never seem to have time to stop!

I guess that's a good reason for not doing more personal blogging. S is growing and changing at lightning speed so hopefully I'll be able to capture some of his antics when I have a few minutes to breathe in the next month or so.

S has become car-centric. Somehow cars have made it onto the radar screen in a big way. Brown van. Silver van. Yellow cab. Green car. Red truck. His skill in identifying and classifying cars has grown to different makes and styles. He can tell an SUV apart from a jeep from a van from a stationwagon... And he can spot a Honda a block away.

We think that cars made it on the radar when we got a second carseat to put in Roland's car. He started saying, "Dada's car" and didn't object to going out with Roland without me (at the time he was still very attached).

I was teaching him the alphabet while this car curiosity grew. One day S was getting out of his stroller which I parked behind Roland's car. Suddenly a lightbulb turned on. He excited pointed to the car and yelled, "H!!! Dada's H car!!" Thus his ability to identify Honda's. What I'm trying to figure out, though, is how he can identify a Honda by seeing a profile of the car or an angle that doesn't show the 'H'.

On the eve of S's 2nd birthday, Roland mentioned something about heading into the 'terrible two's'. I've never liked that label. I've pretty much blacked out the fact that two is a difficult age and have instead brainwashed myself to embrace the wonder of toddlerhood.

But then it suddenly hit me--what if S is 'terrible'? What if S turns out to be the kid that throws flailing tantrums in the grocery store or the playground sandbox? What if S whines incessantly for something then ends up a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor?

I have to say that we've had our moments. S has his fair share of tantrums but so far they're not much worse than when he was 18 months old. He's always voiced his needs quite strongly so his behaviour isn't anything new. Now that he's older he understands much more when we try to reason with him and he's also better able to express himself. Also I think we're better at reading him and heading him off before a tantrum starts.

We're only 2 months into the two's so we'll see how things go!

S turned 2 this week. Just 2 years ago, S joined our family and completely changed our lives. We are amazed by how much he's grown from a tiny, helpless baby into a strapping, animated toddler.

We are kind of amazed at how much we've grown as parents. The past 2 years have been the shortest yet longest 2 years of my life. The learning curve of parenthood is huge and just when we think we have a handle on things, inevitably things change. It's certainly been a lesson on flexibility and patience.

We are lucky to be parents to an active, curious, healthy toddler. He's given us a whole different perspective on the world around us and he's taught us some values, virtues and life lessons that we might not have learned without him. Thank you, S, for making us fuller people. And thank you to our friends and family for supporting us through the most challenging yet joyful 2 years of our lives.

Years ago my friend Barb M. confided in me about how difficult it was for her to be in the sandwich generation. That is, she explained, when you're in the middle generation caring for both your aging parent(s) and your own child(ren). I understood and could empathize with her from seeing what my dad was going through with caring for my grandma.

I now know first hand what it's like to be in that sandwich generation. The last few weeks have been challenging. My dad was hospitalized for 2 weeks with acute pancreatitis. S had to be on antibiotics which in turn made him sick. And I suspect that he also had a touch of the flu that Roland and I both had.

I don't know what made me more ill--the flu or worrying about both S and my dad. Of course I observed S's every waking second to monitor his progress and I did what I could to treat his symptoms and speed his recovery. Although preoccupied with S, I worried about my dad and when S was off to bed the worry balance shifted onto my dad. I also felt guilty for not being able to visit my dad and help my mom more while I was ill and while I had to care for S.

Luckily everyone's better. Dad is recovering at home, still waiting for further appointments and diagnostics. S has bounced back but is still having some lingering symptoms of those nasty antibiotics. Roland and I are both well. But I still have knots in my stomach every so often. Just worrying and feeling a bit squished in the middle of the sandwich.

Ugh, a yucky topic indeed. Last evening, S vomited from illness for the first time. He has vomited from choking and crying too hard but this time it caught us by surprise.

For much of the day he didn't have his usual voracious appetite. He wasn't quite himself but we thought he was just tired or under the weather. And then he refused to eat dinner. We treated the situation as though it was a typical toddler "testing of the boundaries" and downplayed things.

After dinner we were playing in the living room and it happened...S hurled. All I could think of doing at the moment was to run and get some towels while Roland held him. Lesson learned: if a child is vomiting, move him OFF the rug and onto the floor!

S was energetic and active after the bout. Today his appetite is better but he's not quite himself and he's napping longer than usual. The rug, however, is in less than fine shape. Despite using our mini-steam vacuum cleaner (it had been sitting there unopened for months--a good occasion to crack it open!), the rug still harbours the telltale stench. I bought some non-toxic, enviro-friendly cleaner and I'm desperately hoping that it will work!

S and I have been attending different music classes since he was about 6 months old. We first started attending Parent Infant Mother Goose then a music class based roughly on Kindermusik. Now we're going to a Music Together program.

The philosophy behind Music Together is based on research that all children are musical and the focus is on building music competence through adult role modelling. The music education for caregivers is interesting. If it weren't for my own musical education, I might find some of the information a bit more than I'd really need. But I'm geeky and I find it interesting.

What really matters is that S really enjoys the classes. He recognizes the songs and actually participates in the movements, playing with the instruments and "sings" along. He doesn't care if there are differences in time signatures, timbre, pitch, etc. He's just groovin' and having fun.

I've been feeling everso slightly guilty for not blogging for over a month. But all I can say is that life has been busy and I've gotten into a groove...

S is settled into daycare. He still doesn't nap there which means it's a short stay but he's generally happy and thriving. He's actually blossomed in many ways since he started going to daycare. He has finally gotten over separation anxiety and understands the concept of my return. Prior to daycare he would kick up a fuss if I went out even if Roland was home with him. He's becoming more comfortable and social around people in general. I think he's getting the hang of playing around other kids and 'sharing'.

The business is really swinging into action. Now that I have childcare covered, I've been able to really focus on getting the biz launched. It's lots of planning, logistics, juggling, learning, creating, brainstorming, headscratching, research, decisionmaking... But it's exciting, rewarding, gratifying, interesting, challenging, motivating. What makes it really fun is working on it with Glo who I've known for almost 25 years! (wow, that makes us sound old!)

And I'm trying to keep up with the usual stuff like running the house, keeping S entertained and busy with activities that he enjoys, weekly yoga classes, finding time to socialize with friends and supports.

Yeah, I guess I've been kind of busy.

S loves to cook. He has raided most of the kitchen cupboards and drawers. His basket of cooking utensils is overflowing. He is starting to pull out cookbooks to look at from the bookshelf. And he's started to ask to watch cooking shows on TV.

Cooking is the only game that will keep S engaged for more than 10 minutes. In fact, he will often cook on his own for half an hour. He will imitate mixing, stirring, pouring, mashing, kneading, whisking, flipping while naming ingredients and foods that he knows like meat, oil, broth, eggs, pepper, milk, bread, dough...

It's completely entertaining and we can see where he gets it from. I'm in the kitchen cooking much of the time and he loves being there to smell, taste and touch. When he's not imitating me, he wants to see what I'm doing and whenever possible, help out.

For Christmas we got him a kitchen play set...one of the ones with a fridge, sink, stovetop, etc. Now he wants to cook all the time. He loves to cut his velcro fruits and veggies, wash dishes and cook on the stovetop. All the while he says to himself, "Cook...cut...wash..."

The kitchen has been kept him busy while I cook and has miraculously kept him out of our kitchen drawers and cabinets. I almost wish we got it for him earlier! But at the same time we ask ourselves if we should be perpetuating this obsession. Maybe we should be encouraging him to play with other toys.

Or maybe we should start saving up for his culinary training.

A memorial service to celebrate the life of Jean Lyons will be held on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 at 10:30 a.m. at Christ Church Cathedral (corner of Burrard and Georgia Streets), Vancouver. For those wishing to contribute, a memorial scholarship fund has been established and donations may be made at the service or through the Jean Lyons School of Music (604.734.4019).

S started daycare yesterday. Considering he hasn't had much time away from neither Roland nor I, he did very well. When we arrived, he was a bit apprehensive and clingy but before long he was playing with some trains along with 3 older kids. Of course when I left he started to cry, pretty typical behaviour (later I was to discover that he cried for less than 2 minutes. Ah ha! Attempts to pull at Mama's heartstrings!)

He was a happy camper all morning--a visit to the library for storytime, free play at the park, interacting and playing with the other kids. But with all the new activity and stimulation poor S had had enough by lunchtime. He wouldn't eat and he refused to nap. And he wailed for half an hour.

So the daycare provider called and I b-lined out the door to pick him up. When I arrived he was still sobbing and red-eyed. Poor bubby. But half way home he was his happy self again, singing along to Old MacDonald. And he had a good nap.

How did I do with S in daycare? I was ecstatic! I had a list of errands I needed to run and felt liberated. I knew that he'd stop crying soon after I left. When I got home I did miss him a bit but not too much, especially when I had a chance to lie down to nurse my emerging migraine.

Daycare is a good change for S. It's definitely time for him to be around folks other than me. I say the same for myself.

Happy New Year! 2006 is already here...we can't seem to figure out how 2005 could zip by so quickly.

I'm not one to make new year's resolutions but some of my hopes for 2006 include getting the business launched, exercising more, continuing to parent as best as I can, more self care and cooking more. And blogging more, of course!

This morning I received some tragic news. A great community leader in music education, Jean Lyons, has died at the age of 84. She was walking home yesterday evening and was struck by a car. She was rushed to hospital where she was operated on but she did not survive.

I'm still trying to grip with the reality of her death. She was a vibrant, active, intelligent, animated woman who was brimming over with life. Always full of ideas and plans for her future. To have to die so carelessly is tragic.

As a youngster, I attended the Jean Lyons School of Music for several years. Miss Lyons was always a fixture there. She taught different levels of theory as well as individual piano lessons. Although she wasn't my primary piano teacher, I occasionally had a private lesson with her and she was always encouraging and constructive. And just when I thought she was stern and serious, she'd come up with some punchline to lighten things up.

Besides the music education and the life lessons and discipline that becoming a musician entails, going to music school built this amazing sense of community. There is still a group of us that get together once in a while. We've known each other since our early teens and although we've gone down different roads in our lives, we're still connected by Miss Lyons.

The ironic thing is that until recently, we never really knew how old Miss Lyons was. It didn't really matter either. We just thought she was timeless. Like she was going to be around forever.

Roland and I are not big Christmas-people. We don't go all out and decorate or buy gifts or make a big deal about it. It's become way too commercialized and the meaning of Christmas is lost. Now that we have a child, we're not going to make it a big deal for him either.

So we've had a few discussions around how we will deal with the whole Santa Claus issue. Should we make Santa a part of our winter celebrations? How much of the Santa thing are we going to expose S to?

Last year S had a picture with Santa. I wasn't planning on having it done but we were at the Kids Only Market on a quiet weekday and Santa was reading a story with the kids. There wasn't a line up for photos so we just decided on the spur of the moment to give it a try. So we have a cute photo of a happy S with Santa.

This year I was curious to see if S might do the same so we headed down to the market. We arrived at around 10 but unfortunately Santa doesn't start work until 11. So we checked out the Santa room and played with toys at various stores.

When it got closer to 11, I asked S, "Do you want to see Santa and have a photo with him?" S looked at me with big eyes and that kind of spooked expression. "Nonononononono..." That was fine by me. For the rest of the day whenever I mentioned Santa, S looked at me with that same wide eyed expression. I had to resort to spelling or referring to Santa by one of his other names.

Well, I guess S answered the questions we had about Santa.

S finally said it today: "Poh Poh"! Poh Poh is what S calls my mom in Cantonese. He's been saying "Goong Goong," what he calls my dad, for the longest time and was probably one of his first words. I've been worrying that he's not bonded to his Poh Poh and that she might be developing a complex about him not saying her name.

I started to wonder about his connection to Poh Poh when he started saying words like pepper (pehpuh), computer (pupu), paper (papuh) but not Poh Poh. And he's been aware of her from day 1!

So we're all excited and a bit relieved. Of course it was only a matter of time.

S used his potty for the first time this weekend. OK, let me rephase that--he peed on his potty for the first time this weekend!

I bought a potty for S a while ago. At the time I hadn't intended to buy him one but he was interested in it and even began to sit on it while at the store. So I bought it and he's used it in a variety of ways...as a lounger in the livingroom, toy storage, step stool (however it's not the kind that is meant to be converted into a step stool!)... The potty was starting to look a bit unsightly in the livingroom so we moved it to S's bathroom upstairs a while back and he wasn't showing much interest in using it.

Then this weekend we thought we'd try to get him to relieve himself on the potty. I guess it helps that he sees me use the toilet and is keen on imitating. Lo and behold, it worked. Now we offer the potty to him each time he has a diaper change and when he wants to go, he can go.

I know it's early to potty train but if he's keen and willing, I'll give him the opportunity to use it. No pressure. Hopefully the novelty of it won't wear off!

Cold, desolate mountains. I picture extreme skiers and boarders and dream of coming back and doing some serious boarding and cross country skiing instead of being confined to what I am sure are the fantastic digs at the Banff Centre. That'll be me, having fun with participating and presenting while part of my heart is in the pow and most of my heart is in Vancouver missing my family.

Technorati tag (just doing this for Blogs n Dogs, this will not be a normal part of this blog!) blogsndogs

Are you looking for a fun evening of shopping, spa treatments, cool tunes, fashion and more? Drop by the Crave Holiday Shopping Party on Wednesday, November 23 from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Roundhouse.

Along with over 40 vendors, our friends at Milk Factory will be selling their fabulous family survival gear at the event...fashionable and functional! And they've asked my business to do a crosspromotion! So if you want a sneak peak into what Glo and I have been working on, drop by the Milk Factory booth.

If you purchase your tickets online, be sure to mention Milk Factory as a referral source.

S loves to be in the kitchen. When he's not rummaging through the cupboards or cooking up a storm with his basket of utensils, he wants to be up where the action is. He loves measuring, counting, pouring, stirring. He's still too unstable to be standing on a stool or a chair and he's too confined in his highchair. I don't mind carrying him with one arm and stirring with the other but sometimes I need both hands.

So I've dug out S's sling. We used it a lot when he was an infant but we haven't used it at all since he's been toddling. At first he fidgeted while getting into the sling but once he saw that he was front and centre while I made cookie dough and he got to be part of the action, he was content. And all the while I was able to focus on cooking without having to worry about S running around the house and getting into trouble.

As Roland mentioned a while back, I've been practising yoga for around 10 years now. Long before Madonna made it hip and long before the recent yoga craze.

I decided to explore yoga because I needed to find a way to decompress from working in a stressful job in the Downtown Eastside. I thought it was a good way to relax, help me sleep better and increase my flexibility. Little did I know of the other benefits or the long journey that I was going to embark on.

So I started going to a hatha yoga class at a community centre and it was pretty basic...learning how to breathe, basic stretches and exercises that would lead to poses or asanas. After every class I felt great--more limber, relaxed and funny enough, more energized.

I then came upon Iyengar yoga...not by choice but because the class I was taking had a new instructor and she was certified in the Iyengar tradition. Luckily it suited my needs and my body. In a nutshell, Iyengar focuses on body mechanics and working to one's own place by using props as aids. The philosophy is about achieving meditation through working on poses and breath.

Some folks joke about it as yoga for Type A personalities. I love it because I feel safe...no pushing myself too far and using props to help work deeper towards achieving the full pose. And when I practise, I do reach a level of meditation while I'm busy focusing on what this arm, that leg, my neck, etc. are supposed to be doing while I'm also focusing on breathing. I tend to let everything else go.

The most profound benefit of yoga that I've experienced was going through labour. Over the years I've been able to build a strong mind-body connection. So when those contractions hit, I was able to focus on using my breath and voice to get through them. And practising yoga during my pregnancy was a wonderful way to strengthen my body for the endurance test.

It took me a while to get back into yoga after S was born. Home practise has never been my strength and it was hard to get away when I was nursing a lot. When I returned to classes I felt like I always do when I return to something I haven't done for a while...I realized how much I missed it. So I'm back into weekly classes and I'm working on building my strength again and psyching myself into doing inversions once more.

Even after practising for so long, I constantly have revelations. A couple of weeks ago my instructor mentioned a way of doing one of the poses that I've never quite felt completely comfortable doing. I don't know if I missed classes where she's mentioned it or she hasn't mentioned it before or if I just didn't hear it. I finally get it! I love those moments! The yoga journey continues....

This weekend is the 9th annual Eastside Culture Crawl, one of my favourite art/culture events of the year. It's fun to wander around different galleries and meet and chat with the artists. I'm always amazed to know that there are so many artists tucked into this little corner of Vancouver.

Some of my favourite local artists? Arnt Arntzen, Richard Tetrault, Straight Line Designs, Gailan Ngan. Hopefully we'll get a chance to do the Crawl and discover some new favourites.

Yesterday was a momentus day! Roland, a self-proclaimed fix-it phobic guy, installed a bathroom faucet. In fact, he installed TWO bathroom faucets! Two different styles to boot!

With gentle guidance from our friend Steve, Roland was able to take out the old faucets and install the new ones. Little did Roland or I know that when Steve offered to help us change our faucets, he meant that Roland would actually be doing the work and he'd be the coach.

So far the faucets are working. The hot is hot. The cold is cold. No drips. No leaks.

Who would've thought that Roland could be so handy? I'm sure that he surprised himself. It pays to step out of one's comfort zone. We all need friends that give us that extra little push and who are there to cheer us along.

S had his first haircut yesterday at the age of 19 months, 15 days. Good bye curly locks. Hello big boy coif.

S sat in the special zebra chair, a converted bike seat on a merry-go-round zebra and he watched a video. He was fine for the first part of the cut...he reached back to touch his hair and find out what was going on. "Phew," I thought. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad.

Then the hairstylist started to cut around his ears. The struggle was on. Tears, wiggles, standing up, shaking his head, pushing away the stylist. She managed to finish the cut while I held S on my lap. Considering the circumstances, she did a fine job. S did as well as we could expect.

S looks like an entirely different child...I can't take my eyes off him. I miss his crazy big hair but I love the new look. He looks so much older and he looks much more like Roland. It's funny how S's head shape is the same as Roland's was at the same age.

S is also getting used to the new 'do. He's been staring at himself in the mirror and when he's tired, he pulls on his hair but there's not much to pull on. He'll get used to it. I'll get used to it.

We have booked S for an appointment for his first haircut. I'm not looking forward to it. Not only do I anticipate that he will struggle but we'll be losing the innocence of the androgeny of toddlerhood/babyhood.

S is a pretty androgenous kid. He's usually dressed in unisex colours. He's often mistaken for a girl...long curly hair, long lashes and rosebud lips. But even when he's dressed in blue and clothes that scream 'boy', people still think he's a girl. And that's fine...he's just a baby.

Babyhood/toddlerhood is a time of growing, exploring, playing. When a child is digging in the sand, hugging a bear or bouncing to a tune, does it really matter if a child is a girl or a boy? Children are all too soon labelled by their gender and they are treated differently and expected to act differently. As open minded we can be and aware about it, it's a societal/cultural phenomenon that is difficult to overcome.

I don't often refer to S as our son--I refer to him as our child. I don't know why. It's more a reflex but maybe it's a subconscious acknowledgement to the androgeny of young childhood. When he was born, our midwives handed him to us without saying, "It's a boy!" They wanted to give us the opportunity to enjoy our baby in the only moment in his/her life where he/she would not be gender labelled.

So good bye curly locks, good bye androgeny.

Muji is one of my favourite places to shop in London. Their stuff ain't cheap; but it's stylish, functional and lasts forever! I have a Muji zip top and a big bowl (suitable for Ramen and stuff like that takes up alot of space). Highly recommended!

From The Observer | Magazine | Design special: Fiona Rattray reports from Tokyo.:

QUOTE

Think of Muji and you think of nice stationery and opaque storage. But as Fiona Rattray reports from Tokyo, behind the no-frills concept is a company with designs on your future - from baby clothes to dream homes

UNQUOTE

We're participating in a progressive dinner with some of our townhouse neighbours. I've always wanted to do one and what a perfect situation...we're just moving yards away for each course and no need to drive! So we were brainstorming about different themes and we thought about some cultural themes and Diwali came up.

Diwali is celebrated by many people of South Asian decent. It's a celebration of light and of family. So I decided to make a few Indian appetizers for our portion of the dinner.

As I was rolling samosas last night, I was thinking of my late dear friend and colleague, Jatinder. She died of colon and liver cancer in January 2004 at the age of 37. She left behind an 8 year old and a 15 month old.

Jatinder was a vibrant, smart, funny, perceptive, witty, wise woman. We shared many conversations about life, politics, family, culture, food and travel. When we met for monthly case reviews, we'd end up spending more time yacking about stuff than we did about clients. And we'd always be laughing.

And now that I have a child, I can only imagine the angst and the pain she went through when she knew that she would die and have to leave her children.

Diwali reminds me of Jatinder. She had a sparky, bright energy about her that embodied the joy and hope of Diwali. Tonight my thoughts will be filled with her as we celebrate and feast. Wherever she is, I hope she knows I'm thinking of her.

I've been parenting solo for the past week while Roland is in Amsterdam attending Drupal Con and Bar Camp. And I've got a few more days to go before he returns on Monday evening.

I've been solo numerous times now but this time things seem a lot easier eventhough it's a longer stretch than previous times. I feel less lonely and less 'stuck'. Maybe it's because S has more of a routine and he's easier to entertain. Maybe it's because I'm getting more rest. Maybe it's because I have my new computer and feel more 'connected' through Skype, instant messaging and iSight. Maybe it's because I have more support and back-up from friends with young kids.

Maybe I've finally let go of feeling envious of not being able to do what I perceive as exciting. Things I loved to do before S came along like travel, attend conferences, meet new people, dine out, explore... Roland claims that it's not all fun and games--it's a lot of work. Sure, sure I say. But when I see how hard he works during the day and usually late into the night, I do understand him. He loves what he does but it's exhausting. And when he's away, he yearns to be home with us.

As time goes on and I see S grow and change and learn at lightning speed, I realize that my hard work with him at home is as exciting as all the things I've been envious about. How lucky I am to be able to be part of S's life and to spend so much time just being with him. It's time that can so easily slip away. It's hard work. It's exhausting but I love it.

Roland says that sometimes he'd rather trade what he does for home life with S. Sorry Roland, I'm staying home.

I've finally psyched myself up to let S try playing with playdough. I had to deal with visions of him eating it, throwing it on the floor, rubbing it in his hair. And visions of me scraping it off the floor and walls and picking it out of our carpet.

So a few nights ago I cooked some up. I even tried a different method so that it wouldn't have a grainy, rough texture. It was actually fun to cook...reminded me of making choux pastry! I coloured it 3 different colours and was quite pleased with the results.

It was a rainy morning and Simon has a cold so we didn't want to go to toddler gym. Today would be an ideal day to give it a try. I explained to S that we were going to try a new toy, it wasn't to eat and it would be so much fun. He eagerly sat at his table and was excited to see me pull out the playdough tub.

When I plopped some down on his table and pressed it, he looked intrigued. He gave it a pat, then a poke. He then exclaimed, "Done!" I proceded to demonstrate what he could do with it--make a smiley face, make a pancake, knead it.... "Done!" and off he went.

I'm a bit disappointed. S is usually very tactile so I thought he'd like it. There goes that rainy day activity! I'll have to give it another try later....

The other day when S and I were at the library, I came across a book called "Dim Sum for Everyone!" I had to borrow it...Roland, being a huge dim sum fan, would be thrilled that a children's book about dim sum exists.

When we got home, I read the book to S. While I read and we looked at the pictures, he kept shouting, "Goong Goong!" (what he calls my dad), "Ngun Ngun" (what he calls food) and "Mmmmm". So obviously he understood the book! We usually go for dim sum with my folks, Goong Goong and Poh Poh. Dim sum is food. And it tastes good.

Amazing.

S truly is his father's child!