We're participating in a progressive dinner with some of our townhouse neighbours. I've always wanted to do one and what a perfect situation...we're just moving yards away for each course and no need to drive! So we were brainstorming about different themes and we thought about some cultural themes and Diwali came up.

Diwali is celebrated by many people of South Asian decent. It's a celebration of light and of family. So I decided to make a few Indian appetizers for our portion of the dinner.

As I was rolling samosas last night, I was thinking of my late dear friend and colleague, Jatinder. She died of colon and liver cancer in January 2004 at the age of 37. She left behind an 8 year old and a 15 month old.

Jatinder was a vibrant, smart, funny, perceptive, witty, wise woman. We shared many conversations about life, politics, family, culture, food and travel. When we met for monthly case reviews, we'd end up spending more time yacking about stuff than we did about clients. And we'd always be laughing.

And now that I have a child, I can only imagine the angst and the pain she went through when she knew that she would die and have to leave her children.

Diwali reminds me of Jatinder. She had a sparky, bright energy about her that embodied the joy and hope of Diwali. Tonight my thoughts will be filled with her as we celebrate and feast. Wherever she is, I hope she knows I'm thinking of her.

I've been parenting solo for the past week while Roland is in Amsterdam attending Drupal Con and Bar Camp. And I've got a few more days to go before he returns on Monday evening.

I've been solo numerous times now but this time things seem a lot easier eventhough it's a longer stretch than previous times. I feel less lonely and less 'stuck'. Maybe it's because S has more of a routine and he's easier to entertain. Maybe it's because I'm getting more rest. Maybe it's because I have my new computer and feel more 'connected' through Skype, instant messaging and iSight. Maybe it's because I have more support and back-up from friends with young kids.

Maybe I've finally let go of feeling envious of not being able to do what I perceive as exciting. Things I loved to do before S came along like travel, attend conferences, meet new people, dine out, explore... Roland claims that it's not all fun and games--it's a lot of work. Sure, sure I say. But when I see how hard he works during the day and usually late into the night, I do understand him. He loves what he does but it's exhausting. And when he's away, he yearns to be home with us.

As time goes on and I see S grow and change and learn at lightning speed, I realize that my hard work with him at home is as exciting as all the things I've been envious about. How lucky I am to be able to be part of S's life and to spend so much time just being with him. It's time that can so easily slip away. It's hard work. It's exhausting but I love it.

Roland says that sometimes he'd rather trade what he does for home life with S. Sorry Roland, I'm staying home.

I've finally psyched myself up to let S try playing with playdough. I had to deal with visions of him eating it, throwing it on the floor, rubbing it in his hair. And visions of me scraping it off the floor and walls and picking it out of our carpet.

So a few nights ago I cooked some up. I even tried a different method so that it wouldn't have a grainy, rough texture. It was actually fun to cook...reminded me of making choux pastry! I coloured it 3 different colours and was quite pleased with the results.

It was a rainy morning and Simon has a cold so we didn't want to go to toddler gym. Today would be an ideal day to give it a try. I explained to S that we were going to try a new toy, it wasn't to eat and it would be so much fun. He eagerly sat at his table and was excited to see me pull out the playdough tub.

When I plopped some down on his table and pressed it, he looked intrigued. He gave it a pat, then a poke. He then exclaimed, "Done!" I proceded to demonstrate what he could do with it--make a smiley face, make a pancake, knead it.... "Done!" and off he went.

I'm a bit disappointed. S is usually very tactile so I thought he'd like it. There goes that rainy day activity! I'll have to give it another try later....

The other day when S and I were at the library, I came across a book called "Dim Sum for Everyone!" I had to borrow it...Roland, being a huge dim sum fan, would be thrilled that a children's book about dim sum exists.

When we got home, I read the book to S. While I read and we looked at the pictures, he kept shouting, "Goong Goong!" (what he calls my dad), "Ngun Ngun" (what he calls food) and "Mmmmm". So obviously he understood the book! We usually go for dim sum with my folks, Goong Goong and Poh Poh. Dim sum is food. And it tastes good.

Amazing.

S truly is his father's child!

Wow, it seems like the next wave of the baby boom is about to hit. A couple of close friends are pregnant and several of the moms in our original parent-infant group are pregnant with baby #2...that makes about half of us pregnant again.

So I'm feeling a little societal pressure. Not from anyone in particular--not my folks or Roland's, not Roland--just in general. Don't I want another baby? Now that you have one child, you really should have another. Isn't it time to add another member to the family? It would be so nice for S to have a brother or sister....

And with my 'advanced maternal age', you'd think that I'd be the first on the block to be pregnant again!

But I don't know. I don't know if I could go through those early baby days again...the sleep deprivation nearly killed me (I'm not exaggerating). And I never really had that "I must have a baby" urge in the first place. I've always loved children but from the work I did, I knew about the realities of parenting as well.

When I think about our lifestyle and all the things we want to be able to do in the future, it would be more feasible to have one child. Not that having children should be a decision made around convenience.

It's been so challenging to finally get to a point where our family of three is comfortable and settled. It's just hard to fathom how my little world would be turned upside down again if we had another baby. Not sure if I'm ready for that.

I am a bit late on this one, but better late than never (and I was inspired by Travis's This Year I am Thankful For post). This year I am thankful for:

• Barb and my son - Having a family has been amazing (obviously not for everybody and everybody has their own path and yes parenthood is a cult) and and Barb is my soul mate (cliché but true).
• The Bryght guys (and everybody who believes in us and supports us; you know who you are)
• My family for loving me in spite of my imperfections and the usual family issues.
• Dries for Drupal - without Drupal there would be no Bryght
• The creators of the technology behind the crazy blogs, wikis, flickr and other social software that I live in daily.
• The people who create compelling compelling content constantly on their blogs, websites, wikis, flickr. You rock and you are leading the revolution.

S had his 18 month check up yesterday. He meets all the developmental milestones and he's your pretty typical, average 18 month old toddler.

His weight was average too...right on the 50th percentile. We are thrilled! Since birth, S's weight has never exceeded the 30th percentile. What made it worse is that he's always been tall for his age. So he's been a snake baby. Now he's not growing as much in height and he's finally putting on some heft.

Must be all that meat he's eating...

We love Milk Factory stuff! We bought a Milk Factory SpillProof blanket for ourselves and as gifts for Roland's family and everyone loves them. Soft and warm on one side and tough and waterproof on the other. No wet bum or other parts after sitting on damp grass. Totally functional. And totally washable.

We also have some Milk Factory QuickWick shirts for S. Very handy for quickly wicking and drying his endless stream of drool. Cool thing is that the shirts come in hip colours like black or orange and with contrast stitching. S's black shirt is particularly handy when he's eating tomato based sauces or other things that would usually stain!

The moms behind Milk Factory are inspirational. Penny and Tomi met at a parent-infant group and left their jobs to start this company. They're great mentors for me while I start up the biz. Whenever I talk to them I'm energized and motivated to get things going!

S has 16 teeth. He was a bit later to start cutting teeth and only had his bottom 2 for months. Then he started cutting teeth continuously when he was about 10 months old. Luckily for the most part he's handled teething well. I can only recall a handful of days when his teeth really bothered him. And thankfully, teething hasn't affected his sleep. Perhaps his drool-faucet offset some of the pain?

Now that he has a few molars, S has become even more interested in food. He's always liked eating foods with lots of texture but now he really relishes chewier foods and he can actually digest better.

Poor kid, he's still drooling up a storm--even when he's not teething. But when he's cutting a tooth it's as though someone has poured a glass of water down his shirt. So he still wears bibs and typically goes through at least 4 a day. Sometimes I just give up and let him run around with a soaking wet shirt.

A bib related conversation with Cora who was visiting us this summer:
Cora: You're not going to let him go out with that bib on, are you?"
Me: Changing a bib 5 times a day is a lot easier than changing his shirts that many times. I'd run out of clothes.

I wonder when the perpetual S waterfall will finally dry up. Will he be traumatized as a youth when he looks at his baby photos and sees that he's wearing a bib in most of them?

We moved into our townhouse a year ago today. The year has flown by and we've settled in nicely. We've got our regular haunts like Libby's. And we have our regular shopping spots like the weekly East Van Farmers Market and Famous Foods. It feels like we've gotten to know our 'hood pretty well with its local parks, community centres, stores and our new friends. It's also exciting to see new developments going up and some upgrades and improvements that the city is making to the Cedar Cottage neighbourhood.

We're enjoying our much bigger home. I can't imagine how we would've coped with S running around and banging toys at our old condo...our downstairs neighbour would've had us evicted!

We still don't have any artwork up on the walls. We still have some boxes that need to be unpacked or sorted. And we laugh at how we now have all this space for entertaining yet we can't have big dinner parties because a certain short person goes to bed by 7:00 p.m. But it's home.

S is becoming an increasingly affectionate child. It's really delightful to be spontaneously hugged and kissed by this drooly little fellow. We've been able to get him to kiss people on command and he will kiss as long as it's someone he likes.

Our friend Kerrie brought 22 month old Natalie over for a visit last week. The toddlers played around each other well and followed each other around. I was in the kitchen with them and had my back turned. It was quiet for a while so I turned around to see what was going on. Low and behold, S the kissing bandit had his arms around Natalie and was planting a big wet one on her cheek! I guess he made a real impression on her because on the way home she kept saying, "I love S...I loooooove S..."

Not everyone is as impressed though. S tried the same on his friend Hugh but S was a bit too overwhelming and Hugh almost cried.

Maybe it's time to teach S how to blow kisses instead!

Today S turns 18 months old! Hard to believe that he's been part of our family for 1 1/2 years. Hard to believe that Roland and I have made it this far as parents!

It's very moving to reminisce about that past 18 months. I think the first year to 14 months were a whirlwind blur. And because we were so busy with just trying to meet S's basic needs and adjusting to our new role as parents, we didn't get to enjoy S as a little person as much.

But we've finally got a handle on things a bit more. And more and more of S's personality is coming out each day. We're able to relax more and take the time to enjoy our little tyke and our life together as a family.

I have a new computer! Roland convinced me that I needed to get a new computer as I have been using our 5 year old iMac and I've been increasingly frustrated by how slow it is. And eventually I'd need a computer for my business anyway. So we went down to the store, handed over my credit card and tried not to think too much about how much it was going to cost me.

I ended up getting an iBook G4 and it is lightyears faster than the old iMac. Amazing how quickly technology changes. In my low-tech world, nothing really changes that much in 5 years...the answering machine still records, my kitchen knives and mixer are still in style, the fridge still runs, TV still works, car still operates...

I just hope my computer isn't "so yesterday" by Christmas!

This week saw the passing of my family's beloved dog, Leroy. For the past few years my parents have been taking care of him and it was time for him to pass on at the ripe old age of 15 years.

Although I hadn't spent as much time with him recently, I'll miss him dearly. He was just such a crazy, loveable mutt. We adopted him from the SPCA and at the time I wondered why my dad picked him. He was this scrawny, lanky black pup with oversized flappy ears. The first time he howled we all wondered what the heck that noise was...it started off like a typical dog howl then it evolved into a bansheelike screech. He never outgrew that.

Oh Leroy, the things I will remember about you: how you did anything to avoid getting wet, your unruliness during walks, how you'd use your paws like hands to grab and hold things, your crazy running around in circles, how you loved to laze in the sun, your squatting, how you hated to chew on anything hard, your miserable pout when I dressed you up for Christmas photos, your 'popcorn' smell...

I hope you're enjoying chasing ducks, lying in the sun and getting scratches behind your ears up there in doggy heaven. I love you.

[Via email from Susan Mernit] Wow! There is a Yoga conference featuring Iyengar (the type of yoga Barb has been doing for almost 10 years!) in Colorado from September 26-October 2, 2005 and the Iyengar founder, BKS Iyengar will be there. Not only that. They have a blog. Very cool. Web 2.0 for everybody! It's not just for geeks any more!

S is weaned...at 17 months, 10 days. Some people might be appalled by how long I breastfed while others wouldn't even blink. I did it for as long as it worked for us.

I'm amazed at how quickly he weaned. I had usually nursed him once a day, first thing in the morning. He has had a cold for a few days and his nose was too stuffed up to latch and suck. For two mornings he wanted to nurse and just lay there pathetically crying. On the third morning I offered him the breast while he lay on my lap, he smiled up at me and said "Done!". And that's that.

I thought the whole weaning process was going to be a struggle, considering he was nursing for comfort even in July. But gradually he cut himself off...from nursing after sleeping to once in the morning to nothing. I guess he's found ways to comfort and soothe himself and he's far too busy to be snuggling in my lap!

Overall the breastfeeding experience has been a very positive one. I had a lot of support from everyone around us. It helps, too, that I have a thick skin and I don't really care what anyone out there thinks of breastfeeding in public (everyone has to eat and drink!!). But one of the keys to our success was going to a breastfeeding class before S was born.

I will miss those snuggly morning feeds...they bought us a few extra minutes to zone out and cuddle before we started our busy days. But then again, I'll finally get to sleep in while Roland gets up with the 6:30 S wake up call!

I'm a dog person. Always have been. So naturally I've been building doggy awareness with S from day 1.

S loves cats. Love is an understatement. He is obsessed with cats. From morning to night it's "Cah cah cah cah cah..." If there's a cat in a book he'll find it. If he sees one while we're looking out the window, I'll hear about it. When we're driving through to the underground parking he will call for our neighbour's cat, Simba.

So I broke down on the weekend and bought S a stuffed animal cat. It's a lovely black and white one with yellow green eyes. Well, S was enamoured with Cah before we could even make it to the cashier. He's been dragging that cat everywhere since. He takes it to bed, he takes it into the kitchen, he clutches it while he watches a dvd, he lies on it with his head resting on its belly. Today he fed it a cracker.

It's nice for S to have a special soft friend since he's such a rough and tumble kid. I feel sorry for Cah though...he's not only being showered by hugs and kisses but with lots and lots of drool from a very drippy (yet loving) little toddler.

Today I registered S for daycare. He won't start until January but we did all the paperwork and payment to hold a spot until then. It felt a bit strange. For one thing I'm not used to filling in forms anymore. And for another, it felt like we were signing onto a whole new chapter of S's wee life.

Its time has certainly come as S showed that he's ready for a new social environment and new stimulation. After only about 10 minutes of being held, he was ready to get down to explore and play. Of course he loved the kitchen centre! And as the whole group moved upstairs to play, then outside, he followed along. As I sat and filled out forms and observed from a far, he was happy as a clam...no screaming, no crying, no hitting or grabbing. And he didn't miss me at all!

I'm not heartbroken that he didn't miss me...I'm just relieved to know that he can cope without me and that he'll be OK.

S and I had our first meaningful conversation the other day:

S: fart

Me: Nice toot.

S: Bum bum.

Me: giggle, giggle

I'm looking forward to future insightful conversations with our darling toddler.

We are in the deep throes of toddlerhood. I think S showed a toddler attitude far before he could actually toddle—signs of independence, testing his boundaries, extreme curiosity. Now that he’s in full toddler mode, life is non-stop…for him and for me!

Despite always having to be “on”, I must say that I am enjoying this stage of S’s childhood much more than those early infancy days. I enjoy observing his actions, reactions and interactions with people and things around him. And I enjoy trying to figure out what’s going on in his little mind. And I love the challenge of finding new things to do to expose him to new experiences. I love being able to interact with him and be part of his exploration and discovery experience.

I’m grateful that I can stay home with him to watch him grow at this really great stage of his life!

It’s almost embarrassing to acknowledge that I haven’t blogged here in almost a year! I don’t know how time could’ve flown by so quickly. I guess with raising a child and moving and traveling and starting a business, etc. it just does. And when I think back over the past 11 months there are numerous topics I would’ve liked to have touched on: sleep deprivation and sleep training, traveling with a baby, crawling, walking and new found mobility, feeding baby...just to name a few. So I’m back in the blogging saddle, feeling more inspired and less overwhelmed. And dare I say it, with more spare time!

After watching So you think you can dance tonight I am sorry but Jive is the one ballroom dance that should not exist. Jive is the ultimate "blandification" of swing dancing which started in the street. If you want real swing dancing, try Lindy Hop, Balboa, Charleston, etc. Half the people in this show are hip hop dancers, which is totally compatible with real swing dancing. IMHO the show should use Lindy Hop and Lindy choreographers like the fabulous and original Lindy Hopper Frankie Manning instead of Jive. If you look at Charleston, Tap, Lindy Hop etc., you can see the real connection and real roots of hip hop. Disclaimer: I am a trained and enthusiastic Lindy Hopper!

:-) Go Richard go! Go Jay "Makeout City" McCarthy !

From All You Need Are Kisses At Broadway Station.:

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It's tempting to moan about the "mainstream media" broadcasting something that seems like it was supposed to be a surprise, but the idea and the slogan "bringing back first base" and the phrase "makeout artist" are pretty great. I still haven't seen anybody drop a reference to the phrase "all you need are kisses to start a makeout party", but maybe they'll use that for the next prank.

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Toronto is a great place to visit. Most of my family lives in the Toronto area so we go about once a year and we went this year for a Canada day reunion. The things that I noticed about Toronto:

• It's big, almost too big. Lots of money. Lots of neighbourhoods like Kerrisdale.
• I miss the mountains
• It's much more multicultural than Vancouver. There are lots of Canadians of Chinese and South Asian heritage in Toronto but they don't visually dominate the scene like they do in Vancouver. Toronto is much more diverse: lots of Canadians of Italian, German, various regions in Africa, etc. heritage as well as those of Chinese and South Asian heritage. Not better or worse, just different. Don't get me wrong. I love Vancouver and its mix; it's just more mixed in Toronto.

[CROSS POSTED from Dogma Radio] Barb and I don't go out dancing nearly as much as we did before the baby's birth, so this event (Edie Hats Grand Re-opening/Parisian Hat Party) was an unexpected delight!

From Edie Hats Re-opening Gala - Parisian Hat Party - Flamenco Flavour - 6th DR podcast.:

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Check it out 2.5 MB MP3 (5 minutes 35 seconds)

Links:

• Kris Krug, Eventblogging
• Kris's fantastic digital SLR photos of the Edie Hats Re-opening Gala/Parisian Hat Party
• My photos: cool hats and cool people, food, stars, cool Edie Hats illuminated revolving light sign, music and lindy hop and balboa swing dancing
• Edie Hats
• Edie Hats blog (RSS)
• Uberswing (Toby and Tanya - Lindy Hop and Balboa swing dance instructors)
• Peake of Catering

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From 137 Rock Street, Smithville, Ontario, Canada on Flickr - Photo Sharing!.:

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This is (or is it 135 Rock Street) where we lived for 12 years. I wish there were higher resolution photos.

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When I lived in south west Germany, lots of the northern Germans living there had a similar complaint. And sometimes, I feel that way here too in BC, but really the regional differences between Vancouver and other Canadian cities are not as pronounced as the ones in Europe; the real differences here are between urban (which is most of the Canadian population) and non-urban (which is where a lot of the distinctive Canadian culture comes from).

From Stephan Grell's Weblog : Weblog. via Tim Bray:

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Every once in a while, one gets the impression, that we are a little town in the enemy's domain, similar to Asterix and Obelix.... ;-). I am a north German working and living in south Germany. It might be unbelievable, but I still do not understand the German spooking in Baveria and it is not making it simpler, that every town speaks its own dialect...

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I love how Tania and Julie share the challenges of parenthood. This is the reality of raising a child without your extended family around and it's definitely the reality that we face with our child.

From Julie Leung: Seedlings & Sprouts: How to maintain a marriage through toddlerhood.:

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I was impressed that toddlerhood is considered more of a challenge to a marriage than internship and residency! I also appreciated the idea that it takes four years or more for the at-home-spouse to have more energy. Right now my children are 2.5, 4.5 and 6.75. I don't think I'm being unfair to say that our youngest requires more work than her older two sisters, simply because she is a two year old. She needs help with her hygiene, clothes and food while her siblings are self-sufficient. At one point, I had 3 children under 5 years. That was a stressful time for us, with many changes in our lives, some of them unrelated to our children. Looking back I wish I knew then what I know now. On rough days I reassure myself that in a couple more years taking care of the kids will be easier, at least physically. Funny thing is, I'm not sure I realized how much effort it was, until the kids became independent; now taking care of one toddler seems like more work than it was to take care of three wee ones!

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Raising the kid (who now has some upper teeth!) and working has taken up all of my time.

Wow! I really don't know how I would deal with this ethical and moral tightrope but I think Kevin did a great job here. War s*ks and to be a reporter and to watch it and not being able to do anything about it except to publish and to get backlash from all sides s*cks too!

From Open Letter to Devil Dogs of the 3.1 - Kevin Sites Blog.:

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In war, as in life, there are plenty of opportunities to see the full spectrum of good and evil that people are capable of. As journalists, it is our job is to report both -- though neither may be fully representative of those people on whom we're reporting. For example, acts of selfless heroism are likely to be as unique to a group as the darker deeds. But our coverage of these unique events, combined with the larger perspective - will allow the truth of that situation, in all of its complexities, to begin to emerge. That doesn't make the decision to report events like this one any easier. It has, for me, led to an agonizing struggle -- the proverbial long, dark night of the soul.

I knew NBC would be responsible with the footage. But there were complications. We were part of a video "pool" in Falluja, and that obligated us to share all of our footage with other networks. I had no idea how our other "pool" partners might use the footage. I considered not feeding the tape to the pool -- or even, for a moment, destroying it. But that thought created the same pit in my stomach that witnessing the shooting had. It felt wrong. Hiding this wouldn't make it go away. There were other people in that room. What happened in that mosque would eventually come out. I would be faced with the fact that I had betrayed truth as well as a life supposedly spent in pursuit of it.

When NBC aired the story 48-hours later, we did so in a way that attempted to highlight every possible mitigating issue for that Marine's actions. We wanted viewers to have a very clear understanding of the circumstances surrounding the fighting on that frontline. Many of our colleagues were just as responsible. Other foreign networks made different decisions, and because of that, I have become the conflicted conduit who has brought this to the world.

The Marines have built their proud reputation on fighting for freedoms like the one that allows me to do my job, a job that in some cases may appear to discredit them. But both the leaders and the grunts in the field like you understand that if you lower your standards, if you accept less, than less is what you'll become.

There are people in our own country that would weaken your institution and our nation --by telling you it's okay to betray our guiding principles by not making the tough decisions, by letting difficult circumstances turns us into victims or worse-villains.

I interviewed your Commanding Officer, Lieutenant Colonel Willy Buhl, before the battle for Falluja began. He said something very powerful at the time-something that now seems prophetic. It was this:

"We're the good guys. We are Americans. We are fighting a gentleman's war here -- because we don't behead people, we don't come down to the same level of the people we're combating. That's a very difficult thing for a young 18-year-old Marine who's been trained to locate, close with and destroy the enemy with fire and close combat. That's a very difficult thing for a 42-year-old lieutenant colonel with 23 years experience in the service who was trained to do the same thing once upon a time, and who now has a thousand-plus men to lead, guide, coach, mentor -- and ensure we remain the good guys and keep the moral high ground."

I listened carefully when he said those words. I believed them.

So here, ultimately, is how it all plays out: when the Iraqi man in the mosque posed a threat, he was your enemy; when he was subdued he was your responsibility; when he was killed in front of my eyes and my camera -- the story of his death became my responsibility.

The burdens of war, as you so well know, are unforgiving for all of us.

I pray for your soon and safe return.

-

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