I've been solo numerous times now but this time things seem a lot easier eventhough it's a longer stretch than previous times. I feel less lonely and less 'stuck'. Maybe it's because S has more of a routine and he's easier to entertain. Maybe it's because I'm getting more rest. Maybe it's because I have my new computer and feel more 'connected' through Skype, instant messaging and iSight. Maybe it's because I have more support and back-up from friends with young kids.

Maybe I've finally let go of feeling envious of not being able to do what I perceive as exciting. Things I loved to do before S came along like travel, attend conferences, meet new people, dine out, explore... Roland claims that it's not all fun and games--it's a lot of work. Sure, sure I say. But when I see how hard he works during the day and usually late into the night, I do understand him. He loves what he does but it's exhausting. And when he's away, he yearns to be home with us.

As time goes on and I see S grow and change and learn at lightning speed, I realize that my hard work with him at home is as exciting as all the things I've been envious about. How lucky I am to be able to be part of S's life and to spend so much time just being with him. It's time that can so easily slip away. It's hard work. It's exhausting but I love it.

Roland says that sometimes he'd rather trade what he does for home life with S. Sorry Roland, I'm staying home.